Monday, 20 November 2017

Registration Now Open for Event on 7 December 2017

Registration is now open for the event to be held on Thursday, 7 December 2017.

Getting the second date is harder than getting the first date.

One question that I often get from participants at my events is why I do not participate in my own speed dating events. The simple explanation is that every event needs an even number of participants (so that everyone has someone to speak to), and I am the emergency substitute in the event someone does not show up at an event. A speed dating event cannot have an odd number of people.

Fortunately or unfortunately, at all 6 events I have held, I have not had to be the emergency substitute. The flipside of sitting out of events is that I get a great vantage point from which to observe participants. I love people watching, and while it could be just an idle pastime, quite often people watching yields some very useful insights into person to person dynamics.

At every event I’ve held, some guys are a lot more popular than other guys. I know exactly how popular because as the organizer, I know these guys score a lot more ‘likes’ than everyone else, which increases their chances of a match.

Looks are important, but It’s not all about looks, as most people would assume, because I have found some guys scoring many ‘likes’ despite being less physically attractive. There are a few other things that the popular guys do that get them a lot more positive attention. And I’ll be talking about them in this post because these are things that you too can do to improve your own chances at an event.

1.       Good looks matter. There’s no getting away from this fact, so let's get this out of the way first. Attractive guys get more ‘likes’. But just because you’re not endowed with good looks doesn’t mean you can’t make the most of what you have. For example, get a nice haircut before an event. Wear clothes that are more flattering to your body. Shave (unless you look better without shaving). Take as much care with your appearance as you would when you attend a job interview.

Appearance extends to demeanor as well. If your intention is to communicate interest in the person you’re talking to, lean slightly forward in your seat while talking to them to evince interest. Smile often, both with your eyes as well as your lips. Be mindful of where you place your arms and hands. You shouldn’t be folding your arms, sitting on your hands in your seat, or resting them on your laps under the table. Those positions create distance in the conversation and signal a lack of desire to communicate (unless that’s what you want to communicate!).

2.       Confidence matters as much as looks. This is not something that I tell participants, but based on the few words I exchange with participants at the start of the event, I can get an idea of how well they are likely to do at the event. It has nothing to do with my judgment of their character or personality, but my impression of them does constitute an estimate of how well other participants are likely to respond to them.

Confidence is an attractive quality in a man. If a guy is halting in his conversation, lackadaisical in his responses, averse to eye contact whilst talking to someone else, it comes off as really unattractive, and may be variously interpreted as being timid, boring (or bored) or disengaged. And please refrain from playing with your phone while talking to someone!

Conversely, an overabundance of confidence can be perceived as unattractive. I have seen group conversations during events where particular individuals would hold court. There’s nothing wrong with expressing your opinion and making yourself heard in any discussion, but showboating or grandstanding can end up sabotaging your prospects at an event.

The bottom line is: you need to carefully calibrate the appropriate level of confidence to project, and sometimes, this depends on who you’re interacting with. Some guys respond very well to enthusiasm and perkiness. I’m not one of these guys, but I can appreciate that some guys may like this. In contrast, with other guys, a more understated approach may work better. And then there are those who flirt outrageously and with whom you can flirt right back, innuendos and all.

3.       Mingle, but return. I tell participants they should mingle after speed dating, so that they get the full run of the event and meet everyone there is to meet. In previous analysis, I’ve shown that while the majority of matches occur between speed dates, a few matches sometimes occur between participants who did not speed date each other.

But here’s an interesting observation: Among matches between participants who do not speed date each other, they most commonly occur between participants who sat beside each other. This normally occurs at venues where the tables seat four people instead of two.

Really, it’s hardly a surprise. Before every participant arrives and I officially begin the event, it’s perfectly natural for most people to make conversation with the other people sharing their table. And if you sit beside someone, while you never date them in the course of the event, you probably overhear all 7 of the conversations they have with their dates. So, you end up with some idea of what they’re like even though you never date them.

The point here is not that you should pay special attention to the guy sitting beside you rather than the one across from you. The point is that longer, deeper conversations enhance the likelihood of a match. If you meet someone that you feel chemistry with, by all means mingle with the rest of the crowd, but return to that person before the evening is over to continue the conversation. End the evening’s conversations with that person; that leaves the most lasting impression.

4.       To keep things casual, I ask participants to refrain from asking for contact information from the other participants. But there’s nothing to stop you from giving people your own contact information. You need to do so tactfully and tastefully so that the other person feels no pressure to reciprocate, and neither would you feel badly if it turns out the other person really doesn’t reciprocate.

What do I mean by tactfully and tastefully? Easy. Make giving out your contact information something that seems incidental and no big deal. For example, if you talk about an activity that you do, or a hobby you have, or a group that you belong to , and the other person remarks that it sounds interesting, invite the other person to participate by giving out your contact information and telling them they can reach out to you afterwards if they would like to find out more.

The opportunity to artfully hand out your contact information may not arise, but it’s something to consider whenever you attend an event if you are comfortable doing so.

None of the points above guarantee that you will be the most popular person at an event. Actually, popularity isn’t the real objective of doing these things, although that was how I began this post.

In economics, the concept of signaling refers to how agents credibly convey information about themselves to principals. How you look and behave at a dating event is essentially an exercise in signaling. Every participant should be aiming to convey the idea that they are an attractive person who is worth getting to know better. The point is not to create a false persona of yourself, but to put the best version of yourself forward in an authentic way so you get that second date with the guys you’re interested in.

Monday, 3 August 2015

Registration Now Open for Event on 19 August 2015

Registration is now open for the event to be held on Wednesday, 19 August 2015.

As always, registration is not confirmed until payment has been made and acknowledged. Payment advice is provided once the registration form is submitted.

In the event that the number of confirmed participants falls short of the minimum number, the event will  be cancelled and a full refund will be made.

The event will be in the Tanjong Pagar area.

Thursday, 14 May 2015

Post Publicity 13 May 2015

We just held another successful event this past Wednesday. This event was a first in many ways. It was the first time an event was held in a cafe instead of a bar, which many participants found more suitable for conversation. And it was also the first time an event was held in a straight rather than gay venue! A word of thanks to Marilyn of Drury Lane for agreeing to allow us to host the event at her lovely cafe.

The event statistics are below:

Thursday, 23 April 2015

Registration Now Open for Event on 13 May 2015

Registration is now open for the event to be held on Wednesday evening, 13 May 2015.

As always, registration is not confirmed until payment has been made and acknowledged. Payment advice is provided once the registration form is submitted.

In the event that the number of confirmed participants falls short of the minimum number, the event will  be cancelled and a full refund will be made.

The event will be in the Tanjong Pagar area.

Thursday, 5 March 2015

Post Publicity 4 March 2015

7for7 held another successful event at The Bar Above!

This was the first time we were fully subscribed and  I had to turn away participants who wanted to attend but were late to register.

Thanks to all our participants who took the time out of their schedules to attend. Amazingly, there were 27 matches and nearly everyone had at least one match tonight! This really goes to show the power of numbers. With a large enough number of participants, there's just about somebody for everybody.

Here are the event statistics: